House & Wilson

• Wilson: "You know, in some cultures, it's considered almost rude for one friend to spy on another. Of course, in Swedish, the word "friend" can also be translated as "limping twerp"."

• House: ‘Course, why should I trust someone who lies about what he’s doing Friday night?Question is, what are you really doing Friday night? Or more to the point, what could possibly be better than monster trucks? Or are we breaking up?

[turns to enter his office. Wilson lets out a long sigh. ]

Wilson: …Stacy’s coming into town this weekend, we’re having dinner. Just…catching up.

House: Wait a second, is that Stacy the Stripper? I heard she’s playing Atlantic City.
Wilson: No, Stacy the Constitutional Lawyer.
[House looks mildly surprised for a second]
House: You thought I couldn’t handle this news.
[Wilson’s eyes fall to the floor and he nods.]
You talk to her a lot?

Wilson: No. It’s been a long time. If you don’t want me to see her-
House: What is this, eighth grade?I’m fine.
Wilson: …It’s fine if you’re upset-
House: No! It’s… I have no right to be upset. You two are friends. You should see her. Say hi for me.
Wilson: So… you’re okay.
House: I’m not the cancer doctor who’s lying about the cancer dinner. I’m not the one who’s betraying all those…bald-headed dying kids.
[Wilson smirks, and House heads out the door]

• House: "I've been borrowing increasing amounts ever since you lent me 40 dollars a year ago. A little experiment to see where you draw the line."

Wilson: (dumbfounded) "You're (splutters)... You're trying to... objectively measure how much I value our friendship ?!"

House: "Hey, it's 5 grand. You've nothing to be ashamed of."

• Wilson: "How did you get those keys?"
• House: "Blew the Janitor."
• Wilson: "...What?"

• Wilson: I've got no kids, my marriage sucks; I've only got two things that work for me: this job and this stupid, screwed-up friendship, and neither mattered enough to you to give one lousy speech.

House: They mattered.

• House: Maybe I don't wanna push this 'til it breaks.