| Clinic patient: Michael Tritter | | Sex: Male | Age: | | Occupation: Detective | |
 Symptom(s): Rash on genitals
Known factor(s): Using nicotine gum
Mis-diagnoses: None
Final diagnoses: Rash from nicotine gum
Connection to patient of the week: None
Thematic connection(s): Tritter wants an apology for House's rude treatment. He gets his revenge after he pulls House over for speeding, finds narcotics on him, and then arrests him.
Best quote(s):
Tritter "You're rude."
House "Wow, you're like a detective or something."
Tritter "And you're smart. And you're funny. But you are bitter and you're lonely. So, you treat everyone around like they're idiots. And you get away with it 'cause of your cane."
House "Please stop. It's hard to write through the haze of bitter tears." | | Clinic patient: Orange Guy
| | Sex: Male | Age: Unknown
| Occupation: Unknown
| |
 Symptom(s): Sore back, he is orange
Known factor(s): His wife is having an affair
Mis-diagnoses: None
Final diagnoses: Vitamin A overdose
Connection to patient of the week: None
Thematic connection(s): None
Best quote(s):
Orange guy: "I was playing golf and my cleats got stuck. It hurt a little but I kept playing. The next morning I could barely stand up. … Well, you’re smiling, so I take it that means this isn’t serious. [House pops a couple pills.] What’s that? What are you doing?"
House: "Painkillers."
Orange guy: "Oh, for you. For your leg."
House: "No, ’cause they’re yummy. You want one? Make your back feel better. [He hands him one.] Unfortunately, you have a deeper problem. Your wife is having an affair."
Orange guy: "What?"
House: "You’re orange, you moron. It’s one thing for you not to notice, but if your wife hasn’t picked up on the fact that her husband has changed colors, she’s just not paying attention. By the way, do you consume just a ridiculous amount of carrots and mega dose vitamins? [Orange guy nods slightly.] Carrots turn you yellow, the niacin turns you red. Find some finger paint and do the math. And get a good lawyer." | |
| Clinic patient: | | Sex: | Age: | | Occupation: | |
House M.D. Season:
| Episode: |
 Symptom(s): Shoulder hurts
Known factor(s): Sleeps on side
Mis-diagnoses: None
Final diagnoses: Sleep on back or have surgery
Connection to patient of the week: None
Thematic connection(s): None
Best quote(s): (paraphrased)
Patient: "My shoulder hurts but only when I sleep on my side."
House: "Well you could sleep on your back."
Patient: "But I like to sleep on my side."
House: "There is always surgery."
Patient: "Remove some cartilage or something?"
House: "It's not your cartilage that's hurting." | | | Clinic patient: Melanie | | Sex: Female | Age: | | Occupation: | |
 Symptom(s): Sore throat, stomach and glands
Known factor(s): Contact with donkey
Mis-diagnoses: None
Final diagnoses: Contact Anthem
Connection to patient of the week: None
Thematic connection(s): None
Best quote(s):
House: "St. Nicholas?"
CP: "Patron saint of children."
H: "Also seamen, merchants, archers, prostitutes and prisoners."
CP: "Pimp?"
H: "You don't have the skin of a seaman, the fingers of an archer, the clothes of a merchant, or the attitude of an ex-con. That just leaves one left."
CP: "Two, actually. But I'm not a child, am I?"
H: "Do you do a donkey show? I'm not curious. It matters."
CP: "It's a donkey or a mule. I can never remember."
| |
| Clinic patient: | | Sex: male | Age:Approximately 1 year | | Occupation: | |
| House M.D. Season: 2 | Episode: |
Symptom(s):
Known factor(s): Sticks a policeman, firetruck, and police car up his nose.
Mis-diagnoses:
Final diagnoses: Trying to save the cat that he first put up his nose.
Connection to patient of the week:
Thematic connection(s):
Best quote(s): | | | Clinic patient: asthma kid | | Sex:male | Age: 9 (ish) | | Occupation: | |
House M.D. Season:
| Episode: |
Symptom(s): Trouble breathing
Known factor(s): Asthma
Mis-diagnoses: none
Final diagnoses: Not using his inhaler
Connection to patient of the week: By talking to the patients mom he figured out that he should give the main patient steroids.
Thematic connection(s):
Best quote(s): "Forget it, if you don't trust steroids you shouldn't trust doctors." | |
| Clinic patient: | | Sex: Male | Age: | | Occupation: | |
House M.D. Season: 3
| Episode: |
Symptom(s): Unknown
Known factor(s): Unknown
Mis-diagnoses:
Final diagnoses: Suck at math
Connection to patient of the week: None
Thematic connection(s):
Best quote(s):
CP: (palpating left hand for pulse) "Found it!"
House: "Okay. Start counting."
(around 5 seconds later)
House: "What is it?"
CP: "26."
House: "Twenty-- Either you suck at math, or you're gonna die in two seconds."
CP: "..."
House: "You suck at math." | | | Clinic patient: Georgia | | Sex: female | Age:82 | | Occupation: | |
Symptom(s):
Known factor(s):
Mis-diagnoses:
Final diagnoses: Syphilis
Connection to patient of the week: none
Thematic connection(s):
Best quote(s): “The healer with his magic powers, I could rub his gentle brow for hours. His manly chest, his stubble jaw, Everything about him leaves me raw with joy. Oh House, your very name will never leave this girl the same.” | |
| Clinic patient:Hiccup guy | | Sex:Male | Age: 30 or 40-something, maybe 50 | | Occupation: | |
House M.D. Season:One
| Episode: 106 (Socratic Method) | Symptom(s): Hiccup
Known factor(s): He is an Idiot.
Mis-diagnoses: Pulling the tongue, ice packs on the throat, the groin pinch
Final diagnoses: Slapping himself in the face.
Connection to patient of the week: None
Thematic connection(s):
Best quote(s): (Guy Hiccups)
Guy - "I've Tried everything."
House - "mmm...pulling the tongue, ice packs on the throat, hitting yourself, the groin pinch. Well you've certainly covered all the normal medical bases. Ah, how are you hitting yourself though, is it an open hand or fist?"
Guy - "Open hand."
House - "Ah huh, well that's how they teach it at Harvard Med. How hard though?"
( walks in)
(Guy slaps himself in the face)
House - "I'm sorry, I missed that. Could you do that again?"
(Guy slaps himself in the face again)
...
House - "I need to go pee-pee. Just dial it up a notch and repeat." | | | Clinic patient:Adam | | Sex:male | Age:8 | | Occupation: | |
House M.D. Season:
| Episode:lines in the sand |
Symptom(s):screaming and drawing lines
Known factor(s): Autism
Mis-diagnoses: Autism
Final diagnoses: He had round worms in his left eye
Connection to patient of the week:Per Wilson: House had Aspergers Syndrome a very rare form of high functioning Autism; however it was another power play to get his carpet back.
Thematic connection(s):
Best quote(s):To bad no one spoke autism. He was telling us the whole time (house pick up endoscope and look in his eye) hello my pretty | |
| Clinic patient: | | Sex: | Age: | | Occupation: | |
House M.D. Season:
| Episode: |
Symptom(s):
Known factor(s):
Mis-diagnoses:
Final diagnoses:
Connection to patient of the week:
Thematic connection(s):
Best quote(s): | | | Clinic patient: | | Sex: | Age: | | Occupation: | |
House M.D. Season:
| Episode: |
Symptom(s):
Known factor(s):
Mis-diagnoses:
Final diagnoses:
Connection to patient of the week:
Thematic connection(s):
Best quote(s): | |
WALK-INS WELCOME AT THE PRINCETON-PLAINSBORO TEACHING HOSPITAL CLINIC
Edited by #1hotchfan